A Better Place Page 5

  A twig snapped behind me. That wasn’t all that significant in itself, but I could tell something was wrong. Someone was there. I turned and looked just in time to see Brent lunging for me, Brent and his buddies. I tore down the sidewalk, running for my life. The terrible trio was hot on my heels. I usually did a pretty good job of avoiding them, but I’d let my defenses down. I’d been too busy thinking to pay attention. They must have spotted me and closed in on me while I wasn’t looking. If it hadn’t been for that twig snapping, they would probably have grabbed me before I even knew what was happening.

  I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, which was pretty fast. I wasn’t athletic, but I was a good runner. I think it probably came from having to run so often. It seemed like someone was always chasing me, someone who would kick my ass if they could catch me. I tried my best not to get caught, of course, and was successful more often than not.

  I was tired, so I wasn’t exactly at my fastest. I was keeping ahead of Brent, George, and Jimmy, but I wasn’t pulling away from them. They were whooping and hollering, having a great time. I wasn’t. I knew they’d beat me senseless if they caught up to me. I was their favorite punching bag. They were bullies, and picked on whoever they could, but they liked picking on me best of all.

  I ran and ran. I was getting tired. My breath was coming hard and fast and my side was even beginning to hurt a little. I could hear the terrible trio huffing and puffing right behind me. I hoped that I could outlast them. All three of them were a lot bigger than me. They were loaded down with a lot of heavy muscle. They had longer legs though, more powerful legs, so maybe I didn’t have an advantage. One thing was for sure. I wasn’t going to stop running until I collapsed. I knew what they’d do to me when they caught me, and the pain of running was far more pleasant.

  I spotted the graveyard up ahead. It was filled with big old trees, tomb stones, and mausoleums. Maybe I could lose my pursuers in there. Maybe I could dart around and lose them in the darkness of the trees. I ran through the gates, and into the cemetery. I couldn’t hear the boys running behind me any more. Their heavy breathing grew farther away.

  I risked having a look behind me and saw them standing at the gate. They were gasping for breath. George was holding his side. I moved into the deep shadows and watched them. They stood there, looking into the grave yard, but they didn’t enter. I smiled. They were afraid. They stood there a few moments longer, then turned around and left. They gave up and went in search of easier prey.

  I couldn’t believe it. The terrible trio was afraid of walking into the graveyard at night. I’d just discovered something valuable. The cemetery was like a base where I was safe, at least at night. I stored away the information for future use. If ever the terrible trio came after me near the graveyard, I knew just where to run.

  I looked around me. It was spooky in there. The shadows were deep and I was surrounded by tombstones and old, old mausoleums. There was no telling how many dead people were in there. I wasn’t afraid, however. The dead seemed a lot less frightening than the living. The dead were just bodies; the living could beat me up. There was nothing to fear in that cemetery. There were things to fear beyond its gates.

  The real reason I wasn’t afraid in the cemetery is that my mom was there. When she’d died, she was buried among all the other graves. I visited her grave a lot, even though I knew she wasn’t there. It was just her body in that grave. Maybe her spirit did still hang around though. Sometimes I felt like she was there with me.

  I walked slowly to my mother’s grave. I sat down and leaned up against a tree, pulling my arms up close about me. It was chilly and I was getting cold. I looked at the tombstone, and, as I had so many times before, I felt my mom there with me. I rested my head on the tree and closed my eyes. I was safe. My mom was watching over me, just like she did when I was little. I’d wait for a while until I was sure the terrible trio was gone, and that my brother was asleep, before I’d leave the safety of the graveyard. In only a few moments, I was fast asleep.

  Brendan

  Alex Fleming slammed me to the ground, a fraction of a second after I’d passed the ball. I landed flat on my back and it knocked the wind out of me. “You okay, Brewer?”

  “Yeah, Coach.”

  “Simmons! Grant! Where were you?” yelled Coach Howell. “You let the Cougars break through like that on Friday night and we don’t stand a chance! Fleming just missed sacking Brendan. You guys have got to get your act together!”

  The coach continued going off on the linemen. It didn’t bother them too much. We were all used to it. Coach was always yelling at someone.

  I passed the ball back and forth with Brad Sawa. He was my best friend and took my place as quarterback if I was injured and couldn’t play. Brad and I had been together forever. Even so, I’d never shared my biggest secret with him. I often wondered what he’d do if he knew I was gay. It’s something he’d never know, however, so I guess I didn’t really need to think about it. I trusted Brad more than anyone, but I could not trust him with that. I knew friendships ended over such things. I didn’t want to lose Brad, and I didn’t want to take the risk that he would out me if he knew.

  I was scared that Brad would get really pissed if I told him I was gay. I’d done some things in the past that I shouldn’t have, things that he thought nothing of now, but would look at in a whole different light if he found out I was into guys. Some of it was simple stuff, like how I liked to wrestle with him and how I used any excuse to pull off my shirt, so he would take off his as well. Then there was more incriminating evidence, like the way I always got him to sleep in my bed when he stayed over. I knew all that would take on a much

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  greater significance if he knew I was gay. He’d instantly think I’d been taking advantage of him, and maybe he wouldn’t be completely wrong. I had done some things I should not have. Sometimes I gave Brad a backrub. That wasn’t bad in itself, Brad gave me backrubs too. I used the opportunity, however. Getting the tension out of his muscles wasn’t my sole reason for rubbing his back. It was my chance to touch him, to feel him. I used the opportunity to run my hands all over his firm, young body. Sometimes I was even bold enough to work my hands out onto his butt a bit. I always had to hide my arousal after I’d rubbed Brad’s back. Touching him like that aroused me like crazy.

  If Brad found out I was gay, then he’d remember those back rubs. He’d remember how I’d touched him. He’d know what I had done. That wasn’t the worst of it, either. Sometimes, on rare occasions, Brad and I even jerked off together. He’d start talking about girls and I’d act like I was into them too. Pretty soon Brad would get a big bulge in his shorts. Seeing him would give me a bulge too. We’d push our shorts down and stroke ourselves. We never touched each other, but I sure did plenty of looking. It was something a lot of boys do, but I knew what Brad would think of that if he discovered I was gay. He’d feel used.

  I wished that I could tell Brad I was gay, then I wouldn’t have to wonder anymore if he would still be my friend if he knew. I hated not knowing that. I was very popular, but I didn’t really know if any of my friends were really my friends. Would they remain my friends if they knew I lusted after other boys instead of girls? I doubted it. I could just imagine how they’d all freak out if I was in the locker room or the showers with them. They’d be afraid I was looking at them, checking them out. It wouldn’t exactly be an unjustified fear either.

  I looked at Brad as he passed me the ball. He sure looked good in his football uniform. Sometimes I just wanted to grab him and rip his shirt off. His smooth, firm muscles drove me insane with desire. My thoughts turned to Casper. What about him? There was something about that boy, and unlike Brad, I had a feeling that Casper was attracted to other boys just like me.

  “Brewer! Sawa! Let’s get going!” We ran back and took our places on the field. I kept thinking about Casper. He wasn’t built like Brad and my team-mates, but he had a nice body. He was cute too, way cute. I just about melted w
hen I looked at him. That blond hair and those blue eyes were so dreamy. I could picture myself taking him in my arms and kissing him.

  Alex Fleming smashed into me again. It was my fault this time though. I hadn’t been paying attention.

  “Brewer! Get your head out of you ass son! Come on!”

  “Sorry, Coach,” I said.

  I tried to push Casper out of my mind. I had to concentrate on practice. I wasn’t very successful, however. He was never far from my thoughts.

  Casper

  I closed my locker and looked around. I knew they’d be after me. I’d escaped from the terrible trio the night before and I knew that would only make them that much more determined to get their hands on me. I’d somehow managed to stay out of their way all day, but I knew the odds of escaping were slim.

  Instead of walking out the front entrance the way I usually did, I headed for the back, the one next to the gym and the parking lot. I didn’t like to go that way because I had to pass through some areas outside where there weren’t many people. There was safety in numbers. If the terrible trio were waiting to ambush me, however, they’d probably be waiting out front. It was a calculated risk.

  I made it out the doors. There was no sign of Brent, George, or Jimmy. I smiled at the thought that they were probably waiting out front. I knew they’d get me eventually, but at least I’d have this little victory.

  I was wrong. There would be no little victory. I was just passing the gym when I saw George running up behind me. I’d been spotted. I accelerated into a full run, flying across the grass. All I had going for me was speed. My only hope was to outrun him. That hope was in vain, however. As I dashed past the corner of the gym someone stuck his foot out and I went crashing to the ground, scraping my forearms on the grass. Jimmy grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to my feet.

  “Well look. It’s Casper, The Friendly Runt. Out for a little run, Casper?” George caught up with us and each of them grabbed one of my arms. They pulled me behind the gym. I struggled against them, but it was useless. I had no chance at all against their powerful muscles. They dragged me over to Brent, who was standing there punching the palm of his hand with his fist.

  “Thought you could outsmart us, huh Casper?” said Brent smiling. It wasn’t a nice smile at all.

  40 The three of them stood around me in a circle, glaring, just daring me to do anything to get away.

  “You’re so pathetic,” said Jimmy. “If I was you, I’d kill myself.”

  I tried not to let on that his words hurt me, but they did.

  “You’re such a fucking little queer,” said George, smacking me hard in the back of the head.

  “I’m not a queer,” I said quietly.

  “Of course you are,” said Jimmy, shoving me toward Brent. Brent shoved me toward George and that started a game of “Shove Casper.” It was a game I didn’t like at all. I hated those guys. I hated the way they picked on everyone.

  “Get off me!” I yelled. “Get the fuck off me!” I was screaming at them.

  George backhanded me in the mouth. It hurt, it hurt a lot.

  “Shut up you little faggot!”

  “I’m not a faggot,” I said through clinched teeth.

  “Yeah right,” said Brent. “Your brother says you are. He told us what you do for him.”

  I was on the verge of bawling. It was too much to take. I couldn’t handle it.

  “Why don’t you do that for me? Huh Casper?” said Jimmy.

  He had the same look in his eyes that I saw in my brother’s when he was in that mood, that mood that terrified me more than any other. Jimmy reached down and unfastened his belt. Brent and George tried to force me to my knees. I went out of my mind screaming and kicking, but they were too strong for me. I couldn’t get away. I couldn’t keep them from forcing me to my knees. They slugged me, but I kept right on screaming and fighting. I was hysterical.

  “Get off him.”

  I looked up. I knew that voice. He was standing there, not five feet away. It was Brendan Brewer. The terrible trio backed away, leaving me standing on my knees in the grass, crying and bleeding. I felt embarrassed and humiliated to have Brendan see me that way, but at the same time I wanted to clasp my arms around his knees and thank him for saving me. I looked into Brendan’s eyes, they were aflame with anger.

  “If any of you so much as look at Casper cross-eyed again, I’ll fuck you up so bad your mother’s will cry when they see what I’ve done to you,” said Brendan.

  I could tell he meant it. The terrible trio could tell too. They didn’t even offer to talk back to Brendan. There were three of them, and only one of him, but they didn’t dare to even speak. I had no doubt that Brendan could have kicked all their asses at once if it came down to it.

  “Now get out of here,” he said. I don’t think I’d ever seen Brent, George, and Jimmy run quite so fast before.

  “You okay?” asked Brendan, once they’d gone. He extended his hand and pulled me to my feet without effort. He was so strong.

  “Yeah,” I said and started crying. I felt stupid for crying in front of him, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” said Brendan. “I won’t let those guys hurt you again. They do anything to hurt you and you just tell me okay?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  I was all shaky and kept crying.

  “I’m so embarrassed,” I said.

  “About what?”

  “About them beating me up.”

  “Hey, dude, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You had three guys on you. Those aren’t good odds for anyone.”

  “Seemed pretty good odds for you,” I said.

  “Well, that’s a little different. They know I have big friends.”

  I smiled at him. He was being modest. He did have a lot of friends, and most of them were certainly big, but the terrible trio had run from him, not his friends.

  “Hey, come on. I’ll buy you some ice cream.”

  “You don’t have to do that. You’ve done enough. Thanks for saving me from those guys.”

  “I want to, and you’re welcome. You seem like a pretty cool guy to me and I’d like to get to know you better.”

  I wanted to start dancing right there on the grass. I couldn’t believe that Brendan Brewer had just told me that he thought I was cool, and that he wanted to get to know me better. He was the most popular guy in school. Stacey would absolutely die when I told her.

  We walked together to the Dairy Queen and he bought us each a huge banana split. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had ice cream. It was the best thing I ever tasted.

  “So what are you into Casper?”

  “I like running.”

  “You must be tough then” said Brendan. “Coach makes us run before practice and it kills me.”

  I smiled when he said I was tough. No one had ever called me tough before. I knew I wasn’t, but I liked Brendan calling me that.

  “Being light helps,” I said. “My legs don’t have much weight to support, so I can run pretty fast. It comes in handy when George, Jimmy, and Brent are around.”

  “Yeah, I bet. I meant what I said about those guys. They bother you at all and you let me know. I’ll take care of them for you. I’ll have a little talk with them the next time I see them to make sure they understand.”

  “Thanks a lot, Brendan.”

  “No problem. No one should have to put up with shit like that, especially not a nice guy like you.”

  “Thanks.” I was smiling from ear to ear.

  We kept talking. I really liked Brendan. I think what I liked about him most of all is that he treated me as an equal. He didn’t look down on me because of my height, or my clothes. He just treated me like a regular guy. Some kids from our school came in while we were sitting there and Brendan just kept right on talking to me. He didn’t even pay them any attention. He made me feel special.

  “You’re really nice,” I said.

  “So are you.”


  “I can’t believe you’re talking to me.”

  “Why not?” asked Brendan. He was truly perplexed.

  “Well, you’re the most popular guy in school; you’re the captain of the football team and all that. I’m just nobody.”

  “Hey, no one is nobody. Everyone is somebody. Yeah, I’m popular, and I’m captain, but I’m just a guy you know. It’s not like I shit gold or something.”

  We both laughed. It was the most wonderful afternoon of my life. We sat and talked long after we’d devoured all the ice cream. For the first time in my life, I felt I had a real friend. Stacey was my friend of course, but that was different. She was a girl. Not that there is anything wrong with being a girl, but no guy had ever talked to me like Brendan. He acted like I was cool.

  “Hey, how about I walk you home?” said Brendan.

  I immediately grew afraid. I didn’t want Brendan to see where I lived. I was ashamed of my home, and its horrible front yard. I was ashamed that I didn’t have anything better.

  “Thanks, but that’s okay. I’ll just walk home by myself.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” said Brendan. “At lunch?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “Thanks for saving my ass, and for the ice cream.” “Don’t mention it, Casper.”

  We got up and left, each going our separate ways. I had a smile on my face. I felt better about myself, about everything, than I had in a long time. For the first time ever, I actually looked forward to going to school the next day.